What If?

WARNING:

It is not often that I talk of matters of faith and religion.  I certainly don't want to be accused of "shoving my beliefs down my follower's throats", so if you are offended by such, you may want to stop reading now.

I have spent a lot of time on my knees this morning 

and have cried a few  a lot of tears.  

Not of sadness or pain, but tears of joy and a profound thankfulness that my Father knows my heart.  

Its a pretty rare thing for me to feel so moved and overwhelmed that I find myself on the floor with my head bowed.  

This morning was one of those times.  

And the only thing I could utter while sobbing was, "Thank you."

Yesterday, I delivered the china cabinet (kind of hard not to say "my" since it has a new home now).  I admit, I felt a little pang when I saw the empty corner when I came home, but it was mingled with pure unadulterated joy over actually selling something.

I spent the entire day yesterday doing nothing but designing estimate sheets, invoices, business cards, and such because I have a feeling deep inside that a humble start...

might just be the beginning of something new...

and exciting that could change my life.

This is something that has been in my heart for a while.

And the amazement and gratitude that I feel for my Heavenly Father leaves me without words.

How He knows what my deepest desires are and answered a prayer that I never even uttered.

Because I was scared to even speak it.

Yesterday, as I frantically worked on

I fought the idea of calling the buyer and telling her I couldn't sell it to her.

Not because I didn't want to.

Not at all.

But because I was afraid.

I had a gazillion doubts running through my mind:

What if she thinks it doesn't look as good as the picture?

What if she thinks I do terrible work?

What if it doesn't look as good as I think?

What if she tells me she doesn't want it?

What.  If.

I'm not a professional.

I'm a stay-at-home mom for Heaven sake.

I literally was sick to my stomach.

Fear.

Because with one tiny inquisitive e-mail my mind began to 

open to  possibilities.

What. If?

As I worked, my mind wandered back to a recent conversation I had with my mother.

The devil is the doubter.

God is the encourager.

Satan says, "You can't."

Your Heavenly Father says, "You can."

So I did.

And she loved it.

I came home last night with two custom painting orders.

Signed.  Contracts.

And another lined up.

And possibly a sale for my mirror.

If  I can decide if I want to part with it.  ;)

But more importantly...

by the time Scott and I left after four hours of laughing & talking

with my first client and new friend...

my thoughts bloomed from fear into 

full blown hope for

a line of repurposed, custom painted furniture, and crafts. 

Or as my catch phrase reads:

"Pottery Barn & Restoration Hardware style without the price tag."

for northeastern Iowa.

What.  If.