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Friday, May 18, 2012

The Blonde and the Spider

Have you heard the one about the blonde and the spider?

No?

Well, today is your lucky day.

Dumb Blonde
Yesterday, I cleaned out the northwest corner of our barn.

That's where we had shoveled all the straw, chicken poop, goat poop, and what not that had been in the back half of the barn.

Why has it taken so long?

Its not fun.



And trying to bribe my kids into doing it, wasn't getting it done.

So...  

Yep...

I got it done.

Then I rearranged the southwest wall and put the stuff that I wasn't sure what to do with on the northwest wall where the pile of junk used to be.

I'm not sure exactly what this accomplished, except for the fact that it made it look like I actually did something.

LOL

And here's your blond joke of the day:

I then attempted to pull off the two remaining boards 
that were still nailed to the west wall in the southwest corner.

Yeah.

Couldn't budge 'em.

There was some debris in between the outer wall wall and the  boards, so I reached down, pulled it out, and tossed it on the pile in the trailer.

Doing so unearthed a large, nasty looking spider that crawled halfway up the wall, which I'm almost positive was this:

Brown Recluse
Which, immediately struck fear in my heart for Scott and the kids. 
(Just thinking about it makes the hair on my neck stand up.  I HATE spiders.  HATE.  THEM.)

So what did I do?

I jab at it with a scoop shovel.

And missed.

Which sent it scurrying back into the depths from which it was hiding.

So, what does the blond do?

I grab the leaf blower, stick it in between the walls, and try to blow the sucker out.

And this isn't a half-hearted blower.

Its a Stihl blower from their commercial line.

We don't play around when it comes to equipment.

Immediately, I was showered in dirt, cobwebs, and splintered wood 
that had fallen in between the walls over the last hundred years.

Okay...

Wait for it.

You know what's coming, don't you?

{Do I hear you laughing?}

All of a sudden I realized that I might have blown that nasty thing on me along with everything else.

{Are you laughing at me?}

This resulted in an epileptic fit of me screaming while tearing at my hair, my skin, and my clothing, trying to 

GET. IT. OFF.

{It's REALLY not that funny.}

And because I knew stuff had probably blown up my shirt and my shorts, I immediately stripped down, frantically hitting at every part of my body I could reach.

{Are you still laughing because there IS karma, ya know.}

So what if I was half-naked in my barn?

Its not like anyone could SEE me.

I think.

And so what if I considered for a fraction of an second 
running outside and rolling around on the grass 
to get it off my back?

Because when I reached the roll up door, it hit me that they were still putting up the electrical lines on my road and someone might drive by and see a 
half-naked fat lady rolling around on the ground.

And they'd be scarred for life.

{You really should stop laughing now.}

So.

{You KNOW you would have done the same thing.  Don't lie.}

Yeah.

{Except you WOULD have rolled around in the grass.}

That was the highlight of my day.

So glad I could provide some amusement for you.  ;)

On the bright side, that corner is cleaned out.

Oh, and I didn't get bit by the spider.

That's a bonus.

And I probably scared the spider to death with all the screaming and commotion.

And I found out that Scott had the right idea about the wire spool and the island top.


And today, I've got to figure out a way to get out that pile of shingles and concrete.


 Except I'm afraid the spider is in there.

Maybe I should take the blower to it first?  

Or maybe not.

XO,


16 comments:

Emily said...

Oh.my.God. I can SO see that happening to me - oh wait, it almost did! I'm having flashbacks to my freshman year in college...think giant roach, on my head, at 2 AM...resulting in being rescued by someone else's boyfriend and the entire floor full of awake, screaming girls. NOT an experience I'd like to repeat. You have my deepest sympathies...!!!

Tanya said...

Oh, NOPE, NOPE, NOPE! I had to cover my hand over the screen(picture of the spider) in order to read on. AHHHHHH, I HATE SPIDERS!!!!! I can picture myself doing the same thing, except booking it to the house and never going back in. HAHA. Glad it didn't bite ya! Yikes.

Maria said...

You want to come live in Australia, our Hunstmen spiders make Brown Recluse look like pussies. I've had a ton of HUMUNGUS spiders on me and I used to do the same as you!..Except for the half naked part. LOL! I've got more used to being calm and just getting brave and flicking them off. Not fun! I do love your barn! Wish I had one! Minus the creepy crawlies, of course!

Kammy's Korner said...

That is some HILARIOUS stuff! Yes, I really truly "LOLed". :) Yeah, especially freaky though since I've been on strong antibiotics the last couple weeks for what the doctors think was a spider bite that got infected!!!! ACK!

art is beauty said...

so glad my shed wasn't that torturous ...:) I only turned into a NINJA when I ran into the spider web..LOL!
hugs,
Karin

Nicole said...

I can totally see you doing this. Although I can totally see myself doing it too. lol. Thanks for the chuckle. :)

Katie Olthoff said...

lol. This was hilarious. The funniest part? My husband would have reacted that way, while I would have rolled my eyes at him. :)

Kimberly @ The Brown Eyes Have It said...

I would have totally done e same thing! Although I'm not sure I would have been brave enough to go after it in the first place. If I saw a spider that big I probably would have told my husband to kill the spider himself and then I would have continued the cleaning. Shudder!

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